By Adolf Nostril
In order to form a more perfect union and establish domestic tranquility, I Adolf Nostril, seek to become Supreme Dictator of all Earth.
Naturally, once I become Supreme Dictator, there will be some changes in the way that things are done around here. In order to prepare the citizens of earth for domination by me, Adolf Nostril, WEIRDOTRONIX, Incorporated has agreed to publish this summary of new policies and pronouncements by the Supreme Dictator of Earth, me, Adolf Nostril.
This publication will be regularly updated as I try to figure out what-the-heck kind of rules I will have under my new world-wide dictatorship.
Five Ethnic Groups that Bug Me
Five More Ethnic Groups that Bug Me
Five Things that I will make illegal
Its just a matter of time until I am elected dictator of earth. You know its coming, so just get ready.
CHE GUEVARA LIVES!!! (and Abraham Lincoln too)
Yes, Che Guevara lives in a comfortable town home near San Clemente, California. I know Che, he's a great guy, a terrific harmonica player, and we often play golf together, he always shoots under par. Sometimes Abraham Lincoln and Alice Cooper join us, but not that awful Jimi Hendrix, he smells too bad and won't stop talking about guitars.
A lot of people think Che is dead, but he actually faked his death so he could leave his career as a rebel leader, and enter the lucrative world of show biz. Che has had impressive success as an actor and advertising model, he appeared in cameo roles in many grade B movies throughout the 50's and 60s, and he was also the model for the Zig Zag man.
A lot of people think Abraham Lincoln is dead too, but he also faked his death. You see, the international conspiracy of Free-Masons had found out that Abe had discovered the secret of eternal life. Master Free-Mason secret Agent, John Wilkes Booth, had been sent to "neutralize" Lincoln, but Honest Abe had been tipped off by his older brother, Smitty.
Abe was relaxing, watching a play at Ford's Theatre, when he heard the click of a revolver being cocked behind his back. With jaguar-like reflexes, Abe executed a perfect, triple reverse, ninja back-flip and knocked the gun out of Boothe's hand. Boothe swung wildly, trying to nail Honest Abe with a right hook and a left jab. But Abe ducked, and split agent Boothe's skull open with a super-kung fu, hyper karate chop.
Lincoln knew that even though Boothe was dead, the Free-Masons would just send another agent when they found out that the president was still alive. So they substituted a dead civil war soldier for the president, and Lincoln shaved off his beard, ditched the big hat, and moved to California. Today, Lincoln is over 250 years old, and enjoys playing shuffle board and golf at Leisure World, the gated retirement community where he now lives.
More later about Abraham Lincoln and the secret of eternal life.
To Be Continued ...
© Copyright 1999, Scott Mitchell